Your sweetheart is one of life’s most precious gifts. They are the person you laugh with, cry with, and tell your secrets. They are your best friend. And because of this, they are witnesses to your best days and your worst.
It’s no wonder within this relationship we can experience the greatest joys along with the biggest frustrations, anger, and sorrow.
A great relationship must be built over time, brick by brick, to establish peace, success, and happiness. Happiness in marriage is not a matter of coincidence or chance. It’s the daily and diligent working by both parties. I love Gordon B. Hinckley’s quote from his book, “Stand a Little Taller.” In it he writes:
“True love is not so much a matter of romance
as it is a matter of anxious concern
for the well-being of one’s companion.”
With this perspective of devotion and service, there are life lessons we can learn on strengthening our relationship and marriage with our sweethearts. These 7 phrases to never to say to your sweetheart are unfortunately common in today’s language.
I will be the first to admit I am guilty of using #5, but I am trying to become better. Although this list is not inclusive, and if you find yourself using one or more phrases, don’t feel guilty but be willing to change to strengthen and build your relationship with your spouse.
7 Phrases to Never Say to Your Sweetheart:
1. “Whatever you want to buy…”
It’s wonderful to think of the possibility of giving our sweethearts everything and anything they could want. However, this phrase and promise do our spouse a disservice. There are times when we wish we could buy them the latest toy and gadget we see them longingly wishing for.
However, if finances don’t allow it, then by giving them what they want is putting financial strain and pressure on the relationship. Sometimes the sweetest words we can tell our sweetheart is, “I’m sorry, but we can’t afford it right now.”
2. Uh – huh
I understand some questions we will ask each other will require a yes/no answer. The repetition of the phrase “uh-huh” among others (such as ‘sure, yup, whatever you say’, etc.) is a sign of not listening. Never let life become so busy that you start neglecting time with the one who matters the most.
3. You told me that…
Using this phrase is a “storytelling” phrase. There is no winner when someone uses this phrase. Either the person will repeat what they think the person told them OR the other person won’t remember what they said. This phrase is frequently used at the beginning of an argument.
4. You acted like I…
Telling someone what their interpretation is without consulting them first is like walking into a dark room with stairs, blindfolded. This is another storytelling phrase where an argument is likely to ensue.
The rule in any relationship is to ask before assuming anything. If the level of trust is there, then the other person should not be afraid to express themselves. Don’t be afraid to ask, “you looked uncomfortable at Sally’s place, did I embarrass you somehow” (as an example).
5. I don’t need help
You and your sweetheart are on the same team. You’re each other’s biggest cheerleaders and advocates. Use and ask for their help, especially if they offer it freely. I understand it’s hard to ask for help. I grew up very independent and lived on my own for quite a few years before marrying my spouse.
He will even tell you I am the most stubborn person he’s met. He’s always asking, “what can I do to help” and for a long time this would frustrate me.
I would tell myself lies and think, “I shouldn’t have to ask, you should already know.” One day this subconscious thought of mine slipped out. He looked at me and said, “Men can’t read women’s minds. I don’t know what to do to help. I would rather do what you need doing then something that can wait.”
This open communication changed our relationship for the best. I will admit I still struggle to ask for help, but I am doing my best to make a conscious effort to be better.
6. I’m okay
Please don’t use this phrase when you’re not okay. I know it’s difficult to talk about something when you’re in the middle of processing your emotions. Instead of saying, “I am okay” and leaving your spouse worried and wondering what’s on your mind, you could say, “something is bothering me, but I need a few minutes to myself to think. I will talk to you about it when I’m ready.” Then follow through with your commitment.
I love and hate the word “fine” because of its rather large scale of interpretation. My husband once confided in me that this is his least favorite word in the human language. When I say, “fine” whether he’s asking how I’m doing or how I liked ‘XYZ’ he isn’t sure if I’m doing okay, or if he needs to go out and buy chocolates because of something he did. He’s been around enough women to know what when a girl uses the word “fine” the man is likely to be in trouble.
The best thing two sweethearts can do for each other is open and honest communication. As the door of communication is open and there is less misunderstanding the relationship you two have with each other will be strengthened.
Do you have a success story with how you communicate with your spouse? Leave a comment and let us know!
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