Every mother-daughter relationship has problems. Some relationships are difficult or even broken. So, is there a secret to get along with your mother? Here are 5 life tips on how to have a good relationship with your mom.
Every mother-daughter relationship has problems.
Some relationships are very difficult or even broken, while others feel nonexistent. The question remains then, is this relationship worth saving and if so, how?
Although I don’t know your situation specifically, I do know that no relationship is perfect. Far from it.
On the surface, you might think your friend and her mother are best friends, and this might be true. Yet, if you want an amazing stress-free relationship with your mom as well, you’re going to have to work really hard at it.
Everything in this world worth having and fighting for must be paid with a price. So I ask, what are you willing to pay to have a good relationship with your mom?
Here are 5 tips on how to have a good relationship with your mom.
I want you to know you can strengthen your mother-daughter relationship. It will take effort, but if you’re willing to try then I’ll share what’s worked well for me and so many others.
How to Have a Good Relationship with your Mom
1. Be Patient With Yourself & Your Mom
“The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.” – Definition of “patience.”
If you want to strengthen your relationship with your mom you need to be patient with yourself and with her. I know sometimes this isn’t easy but I promise your relationship will be better for it.
The first thing I want you to do is to recognize your “triggers.” What is something your mom does that makes you anxious or upset?
For example, I don’t do well with physical pain and my children love stepping on toes (intentionally and unintentionally). So, I know that if my children cause me physical pain that no one is going to have a good day.
The reason why you want to recognize your “triggers” (whether it’s situations with poor communication, misunderstanding, lack of trying, stress etc.) is so when they arise (and they will) you can respond rather than react.
You want to start recognizing when you feel your mother-daughter relationship is failing and then make a plan to start responding to these specific situations differently.
2. A Good Deed Doesn’t Go Unnoticed
If you want to love someone then you need to spend time serving them.
You don’t have to remain anonymous about your kind acts of service, especially in a large family. But don’t flaunt your good deeds and shout your own praises, either.
The secret is being willing to be “caught” in the act and remain silent about it.
Allow your mother to catch you making her bed, doing the dishes, scrubbing the tub, or making her breakfast. The possibilities and ways to serve your mom are endless.
By serving your mom, you are initially softening her heart and allowing for a more open mother-daughter relationship.
Now, one act of service isn’t going to cut it. You can’t do the dishes once and then expect your relationship to be even better than before.
As with all great things in life, strengthening your mother-daughter relationship will take time.
But if this is a relationship that you want to have work (and that you love) then you’ll treat it differently.
3. Practice Your Diplomatic Skills
Mothers and daughters have their disagreements, but if there are times when full fighting and screaming is occurring in the home, please stop.
The screaming and yelling aren’t helping your relationship, and truthfully, all a fighting match is, is a battle of pride to see who’s pride is bigger.
Learn from someone who has been there before; screaming and fighting only damages the relationship more.
The best thing you can do is practice your diplomatic skills. Because, if you’re so willing to “get along” with someone you don’t like outside the home, then why not inside?
If your mother begins to see that what she does isn’t driving you bonkers (although you might be going insane inside) that is one moment where you mother’s guard will be let down and a civilized communication can ensue.
A relationship cannot be strengthened unless there are mutual understanding and toleration.
This does take practice, but if you show your mom that you’re willing, then there is a high chance she will return the understanding and respect.
4. Pray For Your Mom & For You
Never underestimate the power of prayer.
Take the time each day to pray that your mother’s heart might be softened and ask God what you can do to strengthen your relationship with your mother.
Then I want you to take the time to pray for yourself.
Ask that your eyes might be open to the unseen efforts that your mother is making, that you might have patience and understanding for her, and for anything else you might feel like you need to help strengthen your relationship with your mother.
The more you involve God in your relationship together, the closer you and your mother will become. Even if she wants nothing to do with religion or God, if you have Him on your side, then you will be successful.
5. Don’t Do Anything
I want you to promise that you won’t do anything that you’ll regret.
Don’t do anything that will damage your mother-daughter relationship or put your pride above anyone else.
Be selective in the words you use, your body language, and the quiet messages you’re sending to your mother.
As you take the time to be patient with your mom (and yourself), serve her, practice your diplomatic skills, pray, and not do anything that you’ll regret, you will set the foundation for strengthening your mother-daughter relationship.
As you take the time to build up your relationship your stress will decrease over time, you’ll find a new friend in your mother, and you’ll both be a lot happier for it.
Although strengthening your mother-daughter relationship will take time, I promise that if you’re willing to put in the work and make that effort, that your relationship will be better for it.
How do you serve your mom or daughter? Share in the comments below. Or let us know what things you have done to help strengthen your relationship.
Micah Klug is a wife, homeschooling mother to five children, and author. She teaches time-tested solutions to help parents remember what matters most in life, including strengthening their home, faith, and family relationships. To learn how a child who grew up in an authoritarian home is now creating an environment of peace and joy in her own home visit this page. If you want to contact Micah, send her an email here or email [email protected].
This is wonderful advice! My mom and I love each other very much, but we do sometimes have a rocky relationship. I am going to keep these ideas in mind when I start feeling stressed out with her. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you so much, Lisa.
These are great suggestions! I don’t know what it is about the mother-daughter relationship that makes is such a precarious one at times. I read once that by the time a woman figures out that her mother isn’t an idiot she has her own daughter who is convinced that she’s the idiot. Was certainly true in my case. My IQ is just now beginning to rebound!
Your comment made me smile! And I’m right along with you as well. It wasn’t until much later in life that I came to realize how much my mother did to try and keep a little peace in the home.