Being a mom is crazy hard work. There is so much resting on a mother’s shoulders and yet, is there anything else she’d rather be doing?
(Aside from maybe visiting a beach somewhere for a little TLC).
A mother does so much for her family, especially her children. She is a healer of bloody noses and scraped body parts, a mini-van racer, a mediator between two or more countries (I mean children), and some days probably feels like she’s an extreme bouncy house for her kids.
Plus so much more.
She heals unseen wounds, creating and making a thriving future for her little ones, and allows fictional people like the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and so many others take credit for her sleepless nights and hard work so her children will believe in something at a young age.
For all the good that mother’s do, there are 10 lies moms tell themselves constantly. These lies do a terrible disservice to all the good moms are already doing. Although this list is not inclusive, it does accurately portray some of the struggles that mom’s face.
10 Lies Moms Tell Themselves Constantly
1. I Can’t Do This
This lie surfaces the most when situations and raising children appear to be extremely difficult and when mom is stressed and tired.
The truth of the matter is, mom, you can do this. You were meant to be with these little ones and face the ugliness and beauty of motherhood because the things worth working hard on are the things that will matter most.
You might not feel like you can do what you’re doing at this exact moment. This is when you need to step back, breathe, and take things one minute at a time and as they come.
2. I’m Not Making A Difference
This lie is one of my top 3 lies I tell myself as a mom. Especially after I tell my children not to do something and they do it anyway. Or on those days when mothering feels like you’re banging your head against a wall repeatedly.
But again, this is a lie. Moms make such a beautiful difference in their children’s lives. Often a mother’s contribution goes unseen.
3. I Don’t Know What I’m Doing
To be honest, I don’t think half of us know what we’re doing either, and that’s okay. You’re the mother and you know what’s best for your children. Trust your Momma Bear instincts!
This statement (“I don’t know what I’m doing”) becomes a crippling lie is when you start believing in it. Nobody knows how to perfectly raise a child. Each one is different and comes with their own personality. The important thing is you don’t give up trying and mothering.
As long as you’re willing to try each day, then you can say “I don’t know what I’m doing, but at least I’m trying.” (And that’s the truth!)
4. I’m A Horrible Mother
No, you’re not.
Say it with me, “I’m a good Mom. I’m a great Mom.”
Motherhood was never meant to be easy. It demands from us all of our time, talents, energy, and resources. You try your best for that day and sometimes you learn and fail. Then you try again tomorrow. As a mother, you keep showing up.
Say it with me, “I’m a great Mom, and I’m learning something new every day.”
5. The Kids Would Be Better With Someone Else
My heart breaks every time I hear a mother say this lie to herself. She envisions in her mind some perfect home where no one is fighting, the toys are all put-away, and everyone is sitting at the kitchen table peacefully eating their well-balanced meal together.
She thinks, “my kids need to go to that home.”
No. Your children need you. You were meant to be their mother. Children have their flaws and imperfections just as mothers do. But nothing can ever truly replace a child’s own mother.
6. I Can Be Perfect
If you figure out how to be a perfect mother, I want you to email me and let me know.
Honest and truthfully, you will not be a perfect mother, and that’s perfectly okay! But you can be a mother who is present, who takes each moment a minute at a time, and who tries her best each day.
A mother who is willing to show up, teach and try to help her children is one of the best mothers that this world has to offer.
7. My Children Never Listen To Me
Yes and no. You might feel this way when you’ve asked your child for the gazillionth time to pick up the toys or to stop hitting their siblings. They are definitely listening to you, but are actively choosing not to act on your instructions.
But, children do listen to what you have to say about them, yourself, and your sweetheart.
They have a talent for listening to those important and life-changing conversations when you think they’re off playing. Children listen and soak in a lot more than what we give them credit for.
8. I’m Not Good Enough
This is a lie that has an unmeasurable standard.
Mom’s often envision for themselves this perfect home, perfect career (if you’re a work-at-home mom or a mom who works outside the home), perfect children, and so much more. And when we don’t meet this unmeasurable standard we get so down on ourselves.
“My child is 2, why aren’t you studying for the SATs!” Well, that’s probably because they can’t even spell SAT without help. (I consider it a great day when my toddler doesn’t lick the fridge).
Stop setting unrealistic expectations and enjoy motherhood. Be happy and present with your family and take things one day at a time.
9. What I Do Doesn’t Matter
[quote author=”Neal A. Maxwell” source=””]“When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies? The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods? Will what happened in cradles and kitchens prove to be more controlling than what happened in congresses?”
Motherhood matters. The things you do matter. You matter, Mom.
10. I’ll Never Shower Again
This is a feeling that mothers, especially with young children, know all too well. It seems like the baby is waking every five minutes and you can’t move without something happening. Although you might feel this way, remember to take some time to rest. Even if it’s just 5 minutes.
You’re a good mom and you are making a difference in your children’s lives. They don’t need some perfect abstract figure. They simply need you.
Instead of focusing on the lies that mothers tell themselves, and the lies you tell yourself, focus on the good you’re doing. How do you know you’re doing good? Write your “success moments” down, even if the day’s entry is “I showed up.”
You’re a better mom than you give yourself credit for. Believe in yourself and your capabilities. You’ve got this, Mom!