Is your mom anger getting out of control? Do you feel frustrated with yourself that you can’t learn how to control your anger? You don’t have to be an angry mom anymore. These 5 tips will help you recognize what makes you angry and provide a plan of action for you to control your mom anger.
You don’t have to be an angry mom.
I know life as a mom is both extremely rewarding and completely frustrating. You have children who are growing up before your eyes.
Your momma-heart is always in flutters as you watch them stretch themselves and accomplish amazing things on their own.
And when those moments come when they exercise their independence, insert a lot of rebellion, and stretch the limits of your patience, the Momma-Hulk eventually comes out and your mom anger begins.
I completely understand how frustrating not being able to control your mom anger can be.
One of my children is fiercely independent (this is one of the things I love most about this child). But, when it comes to doing things he should NOT be doing, this child refuses to listen.
His independence becomes his blessing and my trial.
And, eventually, after telling your child “no” for the thousandth time, it’s no wonder you feel like your patience has run out the door along with your sanity.
Especially when this happens every single day.
But, I want you to know that you don’t have to be an angry mom.
You can learn how to recognize and control your anger with the 5 tips I’ll be sharing with you, today. Are you ready?
Does Your Mom Anger Make The Hulk Blush? How To Control Anger With 5 Tips
1. Recognize Triggers
I want you to realize that recognizing what triggers your anger is one of the most important things you can do right now to help control your mom anger.
And it’s something you need to be constantly aware of. Ask yourself:
– What sets my anger off?
– What location am I most angry in? (Home, grocery store, in the car, everywhere, etc.)
– What is my attitude like before my angry outburst?
For me, one of my triggers is physical pain.
If my children are stepping on my toes, kicking me, pulling my hair, or causing me any other physical pain or discomfort, I know that the “angry momma Hulk” is going to come running rampant through the home.
Unless I take a moment to focus on my response.
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2. Be Proactive In Your Response
There is a difference between choosing to act and reacting to a situation.
When angry mom comes out and begins screaming at any moving object, that’s a reaction to the situation. I don’t want this for you.
When you notice yourself becoming agitated (not angry, yet), this is when you really need to start mentally keeping yourself in check (tip #4 has a great plan of action strategy you can use for this moment).
You want to maintain focus and stay in control of your actions, words, and thoughts.
Do NOT allow yourself the excuse of “my anger made me do it” because it’s a lie. You spanked your kid in anger, you said regrettable words in anger.
You’re still you in every way, but a version of yourself that I’m confident to say, you’ve never loved or been proud of before (or ever for that matter).
But this doesn’t have to be you, anymore. You can learn how to control your mom anger over time.
3. Is There More Than This?
Is there something else eating away at you that is feeding into your anger?
Or, is there something else in your life that is causing you a lot of stress?
For example, one day my children and I drove from our home in Utah to my parent’s home in Washington. We were moving at the time and the van was already loaded with “stuff” my husband and I forgot to load into the moving truck.
One of those things was a HUGE duck blind. Already, I became annoyed with my husband that he would forget something so big when the children and I had such little room in our mini-van (trigger, right?)
So I strapped the duck blind to the roof rack, thinking I had secured everything properly. As the children and I began the drive the blind kept slapping the top of the van, making loud noises inside (trigger).
The kids began fighting as they do on long car rides (another trigger).
And I felt like I was pulling over every 20 minutes to check on the duck blind because I was stressed and worried about that stupid thing. I knew something wasn’t right but I didn’t know what because I never strap anything to the roof of the van (another trigger!)
Well, a few hours into our trip I finally hear a woosh, woosh, bam, and I look in my rearview mirror to see the stupid duck blind launching from the van and fly through the air like a Senior in High School running away from their teachers after graduation.
I have no idea what happened to this duck blind. I was so angry at this point that I pulled over at the next exit and called my husband to tell him exactly how I felt about his duck blind (and to tell him what happened).
He apologized because he had no idea this was something he forgot, and after getting off the phone with him, I realized that 90-percent of my anger and stress that day, was caused by the stress of that stupid duck blind!
I apologized to my children and asked them for their forgiveness. And although I wish I could say the rest of the ride was peaceful and bliss, it wasn’t.
The children still had their little fights in the backseat, but, I was a lot slower to anger because I no longer had an unnecessary stress in my life.
So, I want you to ask yourself, is there something else that’s feeding your anger?
Is it financial matters? Do you not feel personally fulfilled? Are you stressed in your marriage or with the home?
I challenge you to take the time to discover what other stresses (big or small) you have in your life so you can begin to focus on them as well.
4. Create a Plan of Action
When you know your triggers and recognize yourself becoming angry, you need to have a quick go-to plan of action so you can channel your anger in a productive way.
Remember, I want you to love motherhood and enjoy these crazy moments. The last thing you want to do is spend your time yelling and screaming at your children.
What is something that helps you to not become angry?
Is it singing a favorite song? Dancing? Tickling one of your children to hear their laughter, or possibly, laughing yourself?
Sometimes, when I am becoming frustrated at one of my children, I will start tickling this child because his laughter relieves the tension between us, my anger dissipates and the issue we are fighting over quickly dissolves.
Now, I’m not saying that tickling will work for everyone (it’s great for some toddlers, though), but you do need to list at minimum 5 things you can do to constructively help alleviate your anger.
5. Step Away
Sometimes there is nothing you can do that will help your anger. No amount of tickles, dance moves, or loud singing will relieve the tension and anger you feel.
When you know you’re coming to the point of anger and you feel you’re going to burst, step away.
Go into another room and scream into a pillow.
I want you to know it’s perfectly acceptable to show your children how you handle anger when you do so in a healthy manner. Show them it’s okay to be angry and the appropriate actions they can take.
Because, how you react to anger is the same pattern they will follow when they’re angry as well.
So make sure you’re setting a good example for them to follow.
My friend, I want you to know that you don’t have to be an angry mom.
It’s definitely not easy to take on all the stresses of motherhood and sacrifice so much of yourself every day.
However, I want you to enjoy motherhood and love this calling.
Motherhood isn’t for the faint of heart but will test your limits and stretch you in ways you never thought possible. This calling takes the very best out of you.
And just when you think you don’t have anything else to give, you’re asked to give some more.
So it’s easy to see how anger can quickly and easily sneak up and stay in your daily routine.
However, being an angry mom is not how you want to remember your motherhood, nor is it how you want your children to remember their childhood or more importantly, their mother.
As you begin to recognize what makes you angry, be proactive in your response, recognize additional stresses in your life, create and stick with a realistic plan of action, and step away from the situation when necessary, you’ll begin to take control of your mom anger.
We are all in this journey together. I promise, you’re not alone.
What helps you when you’re angry? Share with us in the comments below!
Micah Klug is a wife, homeschooling mother to five children, and author. She teaches time-tested solutions to help parents remember what matters most in life, including strengthening their home, faith, and family relationships. To learn how a child who grew up in an authoritarian home is now creating an environment of peace and joy in her own home visit this page. If you want to contact Micah, send her an email here or email [email protected]