Every couple experiences marriage problems and struggles. But, what’s not normal is feeling alone in your marriage. This relationship advice is for the wife who feels like she’s failing in her marriage.
I understand how overwhelming life can quickly become when you feel like you’re failing at one of the most important roles you want to play in your life.
I’m not talking about burning the casserole…again, putting whites with the colors in the laundry (turning everything pink), or even the time when we put tons of dish soap in the dishwasher because we ran out of dish pods (remember all those bubbles everywhere?)
These moments were learning curves in our adventure as a wife.
But, for a moment, I want to talk to you, the wife who is deciding her worth on those things she feels she is failing at in her marriage.
I want you to grab a cup of hot chocolate, sit down with me, and let’s spend some time together. Because I want you to know, you’re not a failure, no matter what you’re telling yourself.
You are not a failure, and I’ll tell you why…
To The Wife Who Feels Like She’s Failing
1. Step Away Emotionally
Sometimes, we have a difficult time understanding others viewpoints because we are too close to the surface. For example, you might feel overwhelmed in your marriage and your role as a wife, especially if you feel like your marriage is failing.
But why are you feeling this way?
I’m going to ask you a tough question and I want you to answer honestly:
Are you feeling this way because you’re telling yourself that you’re failing as a wife? Or, is someone close to you telling you this?
If someone who isn’t your spouse is telling you that you’re failing as a wife, then you need to talk to your spouse and limit your time with that individual. Because they are doing nothing but bringing toxicity into your marriage and in your heart. And this is the LAST thing you need if you want to succeed as a wife.
Now, if YOU are telling yourself that you’re failing as a wife, then why? Why are you emotionally beating yourself up for those things you’re not doing up to your standards when there are a million things you are doing right?
Sometimes, when you remove yourself emotionally from the situation, you’re able to see things in a clearer light. This may take a bit of practice, but I strongly recommend you do this and write down all the reasons why you feel like you’re failing.
You may begin to notice a pattern forming, such as your focus on your weaknesses while ignoring your strengths.
2. Your Relationship With God
How is your relationship with God? Are you spending time with Him?
Before my husband and I were married, we were taught by one of our religious leaders that the closer we both grow to God, the closer we will be as a couple.
This responsibility was to be shared jointly and individually. I began to notice, on those days when I felt like I wasn’t meeting my husband’s emotional needs, or those days when I questioned why I even got married, those were the days when I hadn’t spent time with God in a long time.
Sure, I said my morning and evening prayers, but my prayers weren’t intentional. And I won’t mention my lack of scripture reading…
When we take time to spend with God, He is able to open our minds and hearts into those things we are doing well in our marriage, as well as teach us those things we can improve.
He is the greatest teacher who will instruct only in love. I challenge you to evaluate your relationship with the Father and begin or renew your relationship with Him.
3. Is It You?
I’m going to say something that you might not want to hear, but I’m going to anyway because I care about you and your well-being.
If you’ve been feeling like you’re failing as a wife for a long time, if this is a reoccurring theme for you and you feel paralyzed inside, then might I ask if you are suffering from depression?
If you are, or you’re not sure, there is no shame in reaching out to your spouse and seeing a doctor for an evaluation.
The last thing you want to do is live a life under a dark rain cloud when there is so much beauty surrounding you, waiting for you to enjoy and be happy.
4. Open Communication
Sometimes going to the source and having a heart-to-heart with your husband will bridge gaps and open your eyes to those things you’re doing right in your marriage.
Your spouse sees a different side to you then the battles that are going on inside your head and heart.
Your husband is one of your biggest cheerleaders and wants you to succeed.
As you open up your heart to him and express to him those things you’re experiencing and feeling, wait for his response from his perspective as your husband.
5. You’re Doing Better Than You Think
Please know you’re doing better than you think.
Being a wife is a huge responsibility. If you allow yourself to, you can quickly become overwhelmed by all the tasks and needs you’re having to meet with caring for your husband, the house, and more!
But please know that some of the best women began where you are today.
They were made, just like you, one day at a time, one meal at a time, one hug at a time, and one prayer at a time.
As you take a moment to step away emotionally by honestly evaluating yourself and the relationship you’re in, dig deeper into your relationship with God, and work with your spouse, you’ll begin to realize you’re doing better than you think.
Marriage is definitely not easy, but the sacrifices you give to strengthen your marriage and your own self-worth as a wife will be worth it, every time.
Please remember that no wife is perfect all of the time. There are some things, as a wife, you do amazingly well, and other things that will need a little more practice.
But never base your worth as a wife on those things you can’t do. If you do, you’ll fail every time.
Remember, your worth is infinite and eternal, just like our Father who created you. So when you begin feeling alone in your marriage, remember these tips.
But most importantly, remember to turn to the Father who will give you the comfort and guidance you need in your life. He wants your marriage to succeed.
NEED MORE HELP? YOU’RE NOT ALONE, FRIEND. You can always call the Focus on the Family Counseling Department (for FREE) at 1-855-771-HELP (4357) weekdays from 6:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. MST. This call is available at no cost to you because of generous donors and will be with a licensed or pastoral counseling specialist.
Micah Klug is a wife, homeschooling mother to five children, and author. She teaches time-tested solutions to help parents remember what matters most in life, including strengthening their home, faith, and family relationships. To learn how a child who grew up in an authoritarian home is now creating an environment of peace and joy in her own home visit this page. If you want to contact Micah, send her an email here or email [email protected]