Would you like some smart marriage advice? There are 7 common things you should never say to your spouse if you want to have a strong relationship. Every couple has their struggles, but saying these phrases is a recipe for disaster. Keep reading to find out if you’re saying these common phrases (and how to stop!)
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Your sweetheart is one of life’s most precious gifts. They are the person you laugh with, cry with, and tell your secrets to.
They are your best friend, and because of this type of a relationship, they see your best and worst days.
It’s no wonder within our marriages we can experience our greatest joys along with the biggest frustrations, anger, and sorrow.
A great relationship must be built over time, brick by brick, to establish peace, success, and happiness.
And happiness in marriage is not a matter of coincidence or chance. It’s the daily and diligent working by both parties.
I love Gordon B. Hinckley’s quote from his book, “Stand a Little Taller.” In it he writes:
“True love is not so much a matter of romance
as it is a matter of anxious concern
for the well-being of one’s companion.”
With this perspective of devotion and service, there are life lessons we can learn about strengthening our relationship and marriage with our sweethearts.
These 7 common things you should never say to your spouse can be heard on a daily bases.
I will be the first to admit I am guilty of using #5, but I am trying to become better.
And although this list is not inclusive, (and if you find yourself using one or more phrases,) don’t feel guilty but be willing to change to strengthen and build your relationship with your spouse.
7 Common Things You Should Never Say To Your Spouse
1. “Whatever you want to buy…”
It’s wonderful to think of the possibility of giving our spouses everything and anything they could want.
However, this phrase and promise do our spouse a disservice. There are times when we wish we could buy them the latest toy and gadget we see them longingly wishing for.
However, if finances don’t allow it, then by giving them what they want is putting financial strain and pressure on the relationship.
Sometimes the sweetest words we can tell our sweetheart is, “I’m sorry, but we can’t afford it right now.”
2. Uh – huh
I understand some questions we will ask each other will require a yes/no answer.
The repetition of the phrase “uh-huh” among others (such as ‘sure, yup, whatever you say’, etc.) is a sign of not listening.
Never let life become so busy that you start neglecting time with the one who matters the most.
3. You told me that…
Using this phrase is a “storytelling” phrase. There is no winner when someone uses this phrase.
Either the person will repeat what they think the person told them OR the other person won’t remember what they said. This phrase is frequently used at the beginning of an argument.
4. You acted like I…
Telling someone what their interpretation is without consulting them first is like walking into a dark room with stairs, blindfolded. This is another storytelling phrase where an argument is likely to ensue.
The rule in any relationship is to ask before assuming anything. (Because we all know what “assume” means…)
If the level of trust is there, then the other person should not be afraid to express themselves. Don’t be afraid to ask, “you looked uncomfortable at Sally’s place, did I embarrass you somehow” (as an example).
5. I don’t need help
You and your spouse are on the same team. You’re each other’s biggest cheerleaders and advocates.
Use and ask for their help, especially if they offer it freely. I understand it’s hard to ask for help. I grew up very independent and lived on my own for several years before marrying my husband.
He will even tell you I am the second most stubborn person he’s met.
He’s always asking, “what can I do to help?” And for a long time, this would frustrate me.
I would tell myself lies and think, “I shouldn’t have to ask, you should already know.”
One day this subconscious thought of mine slipped out. He looked at me and said, “Men can’t read women’s minds. I don’t know what to do to help. I would rather do what you need doing then something that can wait.”
This open communication changed our relationship. I will admit I still struggle to ask for help, but I am doing my best to make a conscious effort to be better.
6. I’m okay
Please don’t use this phrase when you’re not okay.
I know it’s difficult to talk about something when you’re in the middle of processing your emotions.
Instead of saying, “I am okay” and leaving your spouse worried and wondering what’s on your mind, you could say, “something is bothering me, but I need a few minutes to myself to think. I will talk to you about it when I’m ready.”
Then follow through with your commitment.
I love and hate the word “fine” because of its rather large scale of interpretation.
My husband once confided in me that this is his least favorite word in the human language.
When I say, “I’m fine” whether he’s asking how I’m doing or how I liked ‘XYZ,’ he isn’t sure if I’m doing okay, or if he needs to go out and buy chocolates because of something he didn’t know he did.
He’s been around enough women to know that when a girl uses the word “fine” the man is likely to be in trouble.
The best thing two spouses can do for each other is to have open and honest communication.
As the door of communication opens up more and there is less misunderstanding, the relationship you two have with each other will continue to grow and strengthen.
Do you use a common phrase that isn’t mentioned on this list? Let us know in the comments below.
Micah Klug is a wife, homeschooling mother to five children, and author. She teaches time-tested solutions to help parents remember what matters most in life, including strengthening their home, faith, and family relationships. To learn how a child who grew up in an authoritarian home is now creating an environment of peace and joy in her own home visit this page. If you want to contact Micah, send her an email here or email [email protected].